Marriage Review Year 5 : Ring Indentation

A Curious Can of Warmth
3 min readApr 10, 2024

Ring indentation occurs when the ring applies pressure to the flesh of your finger, compressing the skin and tissues underneath. This pressure causes the skin to retain the shape of the ring, resulting in a visible indentation.

One day, while washing my hands, I noticed that the shape of the ring was still visible even after I took it off. What I initially thought was a nasty tan line turned out to be a ring indentation. After five years of marriage, the symbol of our commitment was literally seared into my skin and tissues, making my single life feel like a distant memory.

My crusty and wrinkled hand with an indented ring finger

Although marriage has been wonderful, I’ve struggled with many adjustments as a married man. When I was single, I lived my life untethered to another human being. I could pick and choose what I wanted to do without consulting anyone, enjoying a loose schedule without needing to consider many details. Looking back, I had a narrow, not necessarily small, set of responsibilities; I just needed to ensure I was well enough to do what I was entrusted with. Marriage means that even my time, presence, and attention become shared resources.

In the beginning of my marriage, my self-centered mind couldn’t comprehend how a person could share a life with someone in such an intimate fashion. The circular shape of a ring, which has no beginning nor end, is supposed to symbolize the eternal love of married couples. However, I felt as if the ring and the pressure it applied onto my finger were symbols of all-encompassing constraints of marriage, reaching into every fabric of my life.

Fast forward five years, my ring fits perfectly in the groove of the ring indentation, exerting no pressure on my finger. Similarly, I rarely notice changes introduced by marriage, and I no longer perceive these changes as constraints. I assume my self-centered mind is also sufficiently ‘indented’ to make room for a family of four.

Two kiddos and la jefa

It took us many conversations and ample doses of frustration to create a nice indentation. The asymmetry imprinted on my right hand, with no indented ring finger, and my left hand, with an indented ring finger, highlights another crucial fact: most things in marriage will never be perfectly symmetrical. Sometimes, I have to pour out every ounce of love. Other times, I have to receive every ounce of love from my wife because I have no love to give.

Just as my wedding band has added many layers of new metaphors, I expect our marriage will continue to age with many layers of new semantics and nuances. I feel blessed that I do look forward to many years together as a couple, a rare privilege that not every couple can enjoy. I am especially thankful for my wife, who always puts up with a selfish, dysfunctional, incommunicative husband that drives her crazy sometimes (hopefully not all the time 🤣 ).

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