Happy 1st birthday, Hwiju
Hi Hwiju,
Your mom and I welcomed you exactly a year ago, and we are thankful that you are healthy and full of laughter. Thank you for gifting us a year worth of lifelong memories.
I made a habit to write a letter to your older brother on his birthday. One day, I hope it will become a sacred tradition of our family, exemplifying inseparable bond we have as a father and a son. So I wanted to write to you on this special day, but I had to think a lot about what I wanted to write on this letter.
For your older brother, I knew what I wanted to write; I wrote a draft in no time. But for this one, I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to write about. It wasn’t a lack of interest, excitement, or love. I was very eager to write, but the 30-month time distance between you and your brother made it a bit more difficult to articulate what I wanted to write.
Your brother is quite good at speaking now, so we have been talking (sometimes arguing) for some time. He can walk, run, and ride a bike well. Our relationship is slowly evolving from father-to-baby to father-to-boy.
You are still very much in a baby stage. Although you are starting to communicate with your grunt and with your index finger, our interaction is still very rudimentary. Every exciting milestone you have achieved, I have seen once before with your brother.
The fact that you are my second son has rendered my relationship with you a little differently. I have an older son, so I naturally gauge how you are growing by comparing with your brother. Taking care of a newborn for the second time made me a better father in certain aspects (I am proficient at changing diapers), but I am prone to overlook some important details as my attention is inevitably split between you and your brother.
Just like you, I was born as a second son. Although it wasn’t obvious how the birth order affected my personality growing up, I am seeing more clearly how it could have changed my personality. I am more reluctant to speak up during my family gathering, and I eat everything very fast as I had a bigger omnivore who was capable of devouring my food. I was quick to learn not to repeat the same mistakes that my brother had made, and I tried to mimic everything that he was praised for.
The ‘second’ label, relationship, and personality all intricately worked together to define who I am. Isn’t it crazy that birth order, which we had absolutely no control over, can have such a big impact? So Hwiju, welcome to the second club.
As a parent, I want to love you as a whole individual, not as my second son, nor as a younger brother to my oldest son. I want to appreciate every little nuances and details that God has planted in you.
Here I am going to do that.
I love your smile. I love your laughter. I love that you are opinionated about your food, making it very clear what you like and dislike. I love that you are adventurous climbing everything in sight. I love that you sleep alone at night. I love that you don’t have a separation anxiety. I love that you love to cuddle with me, with your mom, and with your brother.
But…I don’t love your way too frequent bowel movement and subsequent diaper changes 🤣
If you ever feel like you are shafted in any way, shape, or form because you are second. Remember that almighty God’s love is second to none. He loves you perfectly, and his love overcomes any deficiencies and failures of humanly love. We, as earthly parents, will try our best to emulate God’s unconditional love, but we will fail. I pray that you will confide in God’s immovable love wholly and solely!
I love you a ton, Hwiju :)